Mees on arsti vastuvõtul.
"Palun ärge masturbeerige enam!" ütleb arst.
"Miks?" küsib patsient.
"See segab läbivaatust," lausub arst.

Purjus mees sõidab autoga koju. Politsei peatab auto.
"Vahele jäin," tunnistab autojuht.
"Veame saja taala peale kihla, et ei jäänud," pakub politseinik.

Dears,

Due to the financial crisis facing the world at the moment, the
light at the end of the tunnel will be switched off to save on
electricity costs, until further notice.

Sincerely,

God

Armeenia raadio küsimus: Mis on ühist sputnikul ja venelasel?
Vastus: üks on kunstlik maakaaslane, teine kunstlik kaasmaalane

Mees tuleb töölt koju ja näeb, et naine pakib vihaselt asju kohvrisse.
Mees küsib siis naiselt "Mis sa jätad mu maha või?"
Naine vastab jaatavalt
Mees küsib "Aga miks siis?"
Naine vastab selle peale "Sest sa oled rõve pedofiil!"
Mees: "Peened sõnad 9-aastase kohta"

Noor sõdur teeb esimest korda elus langevarjuhüppe. Pärast maandumist küsitakse, millised muljed on ja kuidas ta ennast ka tundis.
"Täpselt nagu lind - lendan ja situn, lendan ja situn!"

Kas sa blondi langevarjurit tead?
Jah. Ta hüppas maast mööda.

Little Johnny and his grandfather have gone fishing. After a while grandpa gets thirsty and opens up his cooler for some beer. Little Johnny asks, "Grandpa can I have some beer too?"

"Can you stick your penis in your asshole?" grandpa asked back.

"No"

"Well, than your not big enough"

Granpa then takes out a cigarette and lights up. Little Johnny sees this and asks for a cigarette.

"Can you stick your penis in your asshole?" grandpa asked again.

"No"

"Well, than your not big enough"

Little Johnny gets upset and pulls out some cookies. His grandfather says, "Hey, those cookies look good, can I have some?"

Little Johnny asks, "Can you stick your penis in your asshole?"

Grandpa looks at Johnny and senses his trick so he says, "Well of course I can, I'm big enough."

Little Johnny then says, "Well, then go fuck yourself, these are my cookies"

Mees läheb komandeeringusse, õhtul helistab naisele, kõne lõpus ütleb:
"Spi s bogom!"
"S kem?"
"S bogom!"
"Ne slõshu!"
"S bogom, bljat - gavarju po bukvam - Boris, Oleg, Gennadi, Oleg, Mihhail!"
"Pochemu s Olegom dva raza, on tvoi natchalnik sto li?"