Top Ten reasons why Men prefer guns over Women:

#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.
#9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
#8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
#7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.
#6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.
#5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
#4. Guns function normally every day of the month.
#3. A gun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
#2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman....

#1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN

33 põhjust miks mehed on õnnelikumad kui naised...


Perekonnanimi on koguaeg sama.


Garaaž on ainult sinu päralt.


Pulmapeo ettevalmistused sujuvad iseenesest.


Šhokolaad on lihtsalt üx suupiste.


Sa ei jää kunagi rasedaks.


Sa võid käia pargis ilma T-särgita.


Automehaanikud ei valeta sulle.


Terve maailm on sinu jaoks pissuaar-sa ei pea mitte kunagi sõitma järgmisesse bensiinijaama,sellepärast,et siinne peldik on õäkk.


Sa ei pea mutrikeeramise suuna üle mõneks ajaks mõttese vajuma.


Sama töö,rohkem palka.


Kortsud lisavad omapära.


Pruutkleidi laenutus 5000 krooni,ülikonna laenutus 200 krooni.


Inimesed ei jõllita su rindu ,kui sa nendega räägid.


Vahetevahel on üx hästi-ajastatud röhitsus lausa ette nähtud.


Uued kingad ei mulju,hõõru või moonda su jalgu.


Telefonikõned lõppevad enne kolmekümnendat sekundit.


Sa tead nii mõndagi tankidest.


Viiepäevane puhkus nõuab ainult ühte kohvrit.


Sa suudad ise oma purgid lahti keerata.


Väiksemgi arukuse väljendus annab sule extra pluss punkte.


Kui keegi unustab sind külla kutsuda,siis võib ka ta edaspidi su sõber olla.


Sinu aluspesu maksab 30 krooni...4-ne pakk.


Kolm paari jalatseid on rohkem kui küll.


Sul puudub võime näha kortse oma riietel.


Kogu sinu nägu on ühte värvi.


Üks soeng on sobiv aastateks,võib-olla isegi aastakümneteks.


Sa pead raseerima ainult nägu ja kaela.


Sa võid kogu oma elu mänguasjadega mängida.


Tavaliselt varjab kõht sinu laiad puusad.


Sa võid kanda lühikseid pükse hoolimata oma säärte väljanägemisest.


Oma küünte eest hoolitsemaks piisab sulle vaid taskunoast.


Sul on vuntside kasvatamise valikuvabadus-JAH või EI.


Sa suudad osta 25 sugulase jõulukingid,24 detsembril 25 minutiga.

Haige tuleb doktori juurde ja hakkab lärmama: "Te ütlesite aasta tagasi, et mul on jäänud elada kuus kuud!"
Doktor võtab selle peale laua alt püstoli ja laseb patsiendi maha. "Said, mis tahtsid."

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breasts, 24" stomach and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, people say, Oh My God."

Donald Rumsfeld briefed the President this morning. He told Bush that 3 Brazilian solders were killed in Iraq.

To everyone's amazement, all the color drained from Bush's face, then he collapsed into his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken, almost in tears.

Finally, he composed himself and asked Rumsfeld, "Just exactly how many is a Brazilian"?

Istub väike pime poisike silla peal ja mängib rõõmsalt suupilli. Mängib imeilusat viisikest, ise vaikselt, õnnelikult naeratades. shel päeval juhtub aga õnnetus - poisi suupill kukub vette. Poiss puhkeb kibedasti-kibedasti nutma. Tuleb hea onu ja küsib poisikeselt kaastundlikult:
- "Miks sa nutad?".
- "Mu suupill kukkus jõkke"
"Ära nuta", ütleb hea onu, võtab taskust terava habeajamisnoa, teeb selle lahti ja annab lahkelt poisikesele, "Mängi edasi"
Poisike võtab habemeajamisnoa, paneb huultele, ning mängib edasi imeilusat viisikest. Ja tema naeratus muudkui laieneb ja laieneb.


Kuidas nimetada neegrit, kellel pole käsi?
"Suhteliselt usaldusväärne."

Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the place where they first met.

Sitting at a café, the little old man says, "Remember the first time I met you over 50 years ago? We left this cafe, went round the corner behind the gas works, and I gave you one from behind."

"Why, yes, I remember it well, dear," replies the little old lady with a grin.

"Well, for old time's sake, let's go there again. and I'll give you one from behind."

The two pensioners pay their bill and leave the cafe. A young man sitting next to them has overheard the conversation and smiles to himself, thinking it would be quite amusing to see two old pensioners at it. He gets up and follows them. Sure enough, he sees the two pensioners near the gas works. The little old lady pulls off her knickers and lifts up her dress.

The old man pulls down his pants and grabs the lady's hips, and the little old lady reaches for the fence. Well, what follows is 40 minutes of the most athletic sex the man has ever seen. The little old man is banging away at the little old woman at a pace that can only be described as phenomenal. Limbs are flying everywhere, the movement is a blur, and they do not stop for a single second. Finally, they collapse and don't move for an hour.

Well, the man is stunned. Never in his life has he ever seen anything that equates to this -- not in the movies, not from his friends, not from his own experiences.

Reflecting on what he has just seen, he says to himself, "I have to know his secret. If only I could shag like that now, let alone in 50 years' time!"

The two old pensioners have by this time recovered and dressed themselves. Plucking up courage, the man approaches the pensioner.

He says, "Sir, in all my life I have never seen anybody shag like that, particularly at your age. What's your secret? Could you shag like that 50 years ago?"

The pensioner replies, "Son, 50 years ago, that f*cking fence wasn't electrified."

Here's another one; drunk walks out of a bar and runs into a guy carrying an antique grandfather clock. The guy drops the clock, breaking into a million pieces. He looks at the drunk and says, "Why don't you watch where you're going?" The drunk looks at him and says, "Why don't you carry a wristwatch like everybody else?"

Mida sa teed, kui näed öösel pimedas hõljuvat telekat?
"Seis,neeger!"


Aga mida sa teed, kui näed öösel pimedas hõljuvat külmkappi?
Midagi ei tee, see on üks kuradi tugev neeger.

Q: What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A: A piece of ass that brings a tear to your eye.

Maaülikool. Professor lõpetab just jutlust taluloomadest ja nende eripäradest sõnadega "... ja pull on võimeline sooritama üle saja suguakti päevas."
Esireast tõuseb noor tudengineiu: "Palun öelge seda uuesti, veidi valjemini, et noormees tagantreast ka seda kuuleks." Professor kordab öeldut, mille peale tõuseb tagantreast üks noormees: "Professor, öelge palun, kas suguaktid sooritatakse ühe lehma või terve karja peal?"
"No ikka terve karja," arvab professor.
"Palun öelge seda uuesti, et neiu esireast ka kuuleks," istub noormees uuesti maha.

Mitu hammast peab olema ämmal?
Kaks - esimene et õllepudeleid avada, teine et kogu aeg valutaks.

a black baby died and went to heaven
and god looked at him and said, "you've earned your wings"
and gave the black baby wings
the black baby look up and said, "am i really an angel now"
and God looked down and said,
"HELL NO, NIGGA, YOU`RE A BAT"